5 Weeks....Re-Charged

Less than 5 weeks away until I strut my stuff on stage! 

This weekend was a bit of a revelation for me.  I had a really hard time last week mentally and was struggling stay positive.  I had a wedding this weekend which I was eagerly awaiting all summer!  I love getting dolled up and who doesn't enjoying papmering themselves and dancing with their friends all night!

While I was super excited to go to the wedding I was equally as nervous about not drinking and the food situation.  I packed my trusty cooler, water, crystal light and blender and felt prepared for the overnight. Not drinking for almost 2 months now has not been an issue for me but this weekend I really struggled.  As everyone was enjoying their wine and mixed drinks at the wedding all I wanted to do was be like everyone else.  I wanted to eat the pretty cupcakes and indulge in the candy bar and not be so rigid but I had to make a choice.  Do I want to drink and feel like crap in the morning when I still have to workout?  Do I want to eat the huge delicious looking cupcake and then feel major regret afterwards? 

I have learned a lot about myself through this process and I have a lot more will power than I have ever given myself credit for.  That night, after the music stopped and party had died down, I went to my room and ate my egg whites and veggies and went to bed.  I felt so proud of myself for not giving into temptation when it's all I wanted to do.  I woke up before brunch and used the hotel gym and managed to get my workout in for the day before 10:00 am.  My goals are more important to me than ever now and I am getting so close that I need to keep that at the forefront of everything I do. 

Show Stats:

PS...got a spray tan for the wedding!! and man did I need it!! 

weight: 130.6

6 Weeks....We're Halfway There

I have officially reached the halfway point on my Wanna B Bikini Queen journey!  I am so ready to get this show on the road I will be honest.  As of right now my diet hasn't changed but as much as I am dreading the cuts I am looking forward to them.  The diet cuts mean I am getting closer to my goal and putting all of this hard work to the test.

This past week has been draining. I have been preparing for this show for 9 weeks and my body and mind can feel it!  9 weeks of pushing your body... 6 days a week of training and eating strict with MINIMAL relaxed meals can be exhausting.  You also come across those people that love to make comments about your routine and about what you're doing WRONG. 

Whether or not I am lifting heavy enough or sprinting fast is really none of your business.  I show up every damn day to the gym and do my workouts.  Then I go home and cook my dinner and then prepare my lunch and cook another meal at 10pm....please do not tell me I am not dedicated or working hard enough!! I find myself looking at other competitors pictures and being really critical of myself and start worrying, what if I don't get there? I am my own person and my body is not the same as anyone else and I have to realize that!  

This process starts to wear you down mentally and physically but the key is how you deal with it.  This whole journey will be over as fast as it started and I want to really enjoy every moment including the hard parts.  As much as I would love to place and do well but whatever the outcome I have to remember that what I am doing...not a lot of people do and I should really be proud of myself for that! 

Show Updates:  Sports wear for model has been ordered!! This was my last big splurge and I am so glad it's over.  For the next few weeks I really have to nail down a theme wear walk for my Jane Bond alter ego.  I have a VERY hard time trying to be sexy so I manage to laugh or make some sort of face when I am trying walk around with my golden gun.  BUILDING MUSCLE!! over the next few weeks I really want to try and up the weights and try and build as much muscle as I can before my diet gets cut. 

It's going to be a bumpy next six weeks folks so buckle up and stay tuned!!!

Progress Pics: 8/20/12
Weight: 130.8

7 Weeks ...Bring the Pain

Since my last post I have had quite an eventful week.  I've completed a 5k road race, experimented with some waxing YIKES, had a birthday boot camp and turned 25! 

I will start off with the wax so then we can move on to happy times.  I am being a little over dramatic because truthfully it wasn't that badddd.  Awkward, most definitely!  Uncomfortable, OH YEAH. Painful, for a second but would I do it again?   Yes and that is said with slight hesistation.  Once the wax was over I could officially enjoy the rest of my weekend.  Sunday, my birthday, I met up with a small group of family and friends for a birthday boot camp.  Seeing as my weekend was full of self-afflicted pain I figured why not feel the burn for my 25th. I have fallen in love with exercise and even though it some times makes me sore or frustrated I never walk away with regret. 

I had celebrated my birthday Saturday night with my family and my mom cooked a great dinner of veggies, steak, chicken sausage and eggplant.  As sad as this will sound I had sugar free pudding for my birthday desert.  I have become such a fitness junkee that instead of make-up or going out clothes which I typically would have asked for I received LuLu lemon gear, polar HRM watch, Tosca Reno's cook book among other sporty things! I cannot wait to get to the gym today and try out the HRM to really see what I am burning during my workouts. 

In show news:  My bikini has officially been paid off along with my model bikini.  I have ordered my hair and make-up appointment for the show, theme wear is done, registration is paid for, test wax is completed, club wear is purchased, tanning supplies purchased...let me catch my breath before I list what I still need to buy LOL...ordering my sportswear this week, checking out clip-in extensions this upcoming weekend, need to hit up the gem store to buy some extra bling for my suit and still need bling for my outfits.   I swear, if you see my on the street corner living in a box posing for change...please donate.

Stats:

August 13, 2012
weight: 131

8 Weeks... Practice Makes Perfect

Another weekend gone by and another week closer to the show.  Summer is literally flying by and it's freaking me out.  My 25th birthday is this upcoming Sunday and I have been so focused on the show that I have completely forgotten to make any plans.  I watched this video on facebook last night about a woman's weight loss journey and for her birthday she held a boot camp instead of the typical bar or dinner scene.  I really love this idea seeing as though I can't drink and my dining options are limited.  I asked a friend to host a boot camp on my birthday and I am super excited about it!  I have to workout Sunday regardless so to be able to do an activity I enjoy with family and friends seems like a perfect option and guilt free.

This weekend was an exhausting one.  A year ago if I had said this, it would mean I was out late drinking and now feel like a zombie at work.  Nowadays, I am exhausted because I had two good workouts Saturday and Sunday and two posing sessions.  Saturday I met up with some savage girls in Boston to do our workouts and practice posing and then Sunday I attended Sunday Session at the CSF studio.  I was really anxious to attend Sunday Session again because the first time I was struggling through the hour workout.  This Sunday I felt like a new woman!  Don't get me wrong here people it hurt and I was dripping but it was a good bearable pain.  I really felt like I could keep up this time around and had a lot more energy during the workout. 

My "relaxed meals" are gone and it's a little scary knowing that my weekends now have to be strict eating.  I was nervous going into the weekend because I have relied on the relaxed meal and would count down the days until it arrived.  I wanted to make it through the weekend sticking to my guns and it wasn't THAT BAD.  I did go out to dinner Saturday night and was it painful to watch my boyfriend soak the warm Italian bread in evoo? yes.  Was it painful to watch him drink his not one but two glasses of blackberry sangria? YES.  When my food arrived at the table it didn't stand a chance.  I sucked down the shrimp and scallop salad so fast I don't even know if it was good or not.  This is MY choice to do the show and these are the decisions I have to make during the process.  Is it easy all of the time, no but is it worth it in the end,I can only hope.

Date: August 5th

Weight: 130.8 (HOOTTIEEE-HOOOO) this felt really good and goes to show if you are on your game the numbers reflect it.

9 Weeks...

After my splurge with the rolo's last weekend I made a promise to myself that I would keep my "relaxed meal" under control!  I had back to back parties this weekend so I stocked my cooler for the day.  The first week of preparing my meals felt so daunting but I have grown so accustomed to packing my meals that I can have my cooler ready to go in no time.  I indulged in some potato & pasta salad for dinner and had a slice of cake but didn't go overboard.  I avoided all chips and dips and stuck to the veggie platter.  I did realize one thing after eating my slice of cake and that is the power of sugar.  Since I do not have a TON of sugar, besides my fruits, in my day to day eating the moment I taste sugar it's all I want.  I literally could have killed the entire cake if someone gave me permission.  Sugar has this power over me and I have a hard time limiting myself once I give in.  I really want to focus on this so it's doesn't play mind games with me over the next few months.  My best bet is to not even taste it and then I won't know what I am missing!

In show news:

My theme wear finally came in!!!! I almost fainted when I saw the size of bottoms and I think my dad had to sit down.  I'll put it this way, they make Victoria Secret look like a granny panties.  After the sheer terror moment was over I am pleased with how it turned out and glad that it fits.  I think once my hair and makeup is done and I have a tan it will look a lot better.  Seeing the backside photo was an indication that I need to roll over on the beach a little more! My prop is a toy gun which also came in and I am pretty sure it looked like a drug deal in the Caraba's parking lot as they handed me over the gun. Once I spray paint it gold it will look a little less crips and bloods.  

I am attending my second Sunday Session this weekend so I hope it's a little less painful as the first and I am also meeting up with some savage girls to work on posing Saturday as well so the next blog should be a little more exciting!

Stats: 6/30/12

Weight: 132.4
BF %:  18.5 !! I asked my old trainer if I could use the handheld machine to see what I have lost in a month and I was pleased. 2.4% since the beginning of June :)

Rolo with the punches....10 weeks out

This weekend marked 10 weeks out until the show!  Things are slowly but surely coming together and all these packages coming in the mail are making it seem more and more real.  I should be getting my theme wear this week and it looks pretty bad ass! I am dying to try it on seeing as it will be my first piece of official competition attire. 

Things ordered:

Theme wear

gloves for theme wear

gun for theme wear

bikini

club wear

heels

tanner

Things that still need to be ordered:

bikini for model round

sportswear for model round

extensions

bling jewelry

registration

I am about half way there but as we can this was not the cheapest hobby to get into and I am probably forgetting things!

This weekend was great since I went into Boston to visit my best friends!  It is awesome being able to spend time with your girlfriends and hit the town but on the other hand it brings a lot of temptation.  I had 2 drinks and a salad for dinner but the real trouble started around 2:00 am when I decided to test my willpower trying a pretzel rolo sandwich. UM ..if these were not mouth watering on their own...add a peanut butter M&M and see what happens...fireworks in my mouth.  One after the other other they kept disappearing into my mouth and I couldn't stop. It was like it was a drug...a caramely, salty, peanut butter oasis.  SUCKS! The rolo's plus the fact that I couldn't work out Friday really screwed with my mental toughness.  I felt off track and exhausted.  I woke up Sunday and had a great workout in hopes it would rid my body of the rolo situation but when I stepped on the scale this morning ...no such luck!

The scale doesn't lie..maybe it was water weight...I'll tell myself that but I know it's not.  133.8 ....Son of a....I was at my lowest last week and now I am back up! I am learning not to dwell and just move on.  It's over..i over-splurged and all you can do is get back on track.  Made some hard boiled eggs, meatloaf, turkey burgers, chopped veggies, portioned my fruit and kissing last week good-bye!

10 weeks out stats:

weight: 133.8 (ERRRRR)

11 weeks & a Vacation

Vacation.  Vacation to many is a time to relax, eat, drink, stay up late, sleep in and just let loose.  This used to be my idea of vacation but nowadays i can omit about 4 out of 6 of those activities from my list.  What I can tell you is that even without those beloved activities I had an amazing vacation.

  As you know I am about 11 weeks from my first bikini competition so the thought of letting loose for 3 days is a scary thought!  This may seem extreme and it's only three days...what's the worst that can happen? I was determined to enjoy my vacation but keep the competition at the forefront of most of my decisions.  Was I perfect for the three days? No, but was I aware of what I was eating and did I prepare most of my meals? Yes.


If you are going away on vacation and have the option to bring your own food, DO IT!  We had a small kitchenette which was a real life saver.  I went grocery shopping the night before we left and stocked up on some different protein options, starch options, veggies and fruit.  We looked like we were moving in for 2 weeks and had to take a few trips but I didn't care.  This was the key to keeping myself on track during vacation and I didn't care how annoying, inconvenient or strange I looked. My hotel did offer a continental breakfast which to my surprise had hard boiled eggs...Son of a B...i made a dozen to bring with me.  You better believe I took 8 and looked like a crazy egg lady!  My poor boyfriend looked mortified as I headed  toward the egg bowl like it was Christmas morning.

Average vacation diet:


6:45am: Woke up (OMG! on vacation?..don't roll your eyes...yes, this is the time I woke up) Workout sesh


8:30am:  4 hard boiled egg whites, 1/4 cup oats. flax oil, 1/4 cup blueberries


11:00am: 4 hard boiled egg whites, 1 brown rice cake, 1/4 cup strawberry, 1 cup veg (this meal was mildly awkward in the Kittery outlet parking lot eating cold green beans and egg whites ..do what ya gotta do!


As we are sitting in the car and I am wolfing down the cold green beans my boyfriend said he was proud of me.  I know he is proud of me but this was the first time he verbalized it since I started this process and it really felt awesome to hear him say it.  He's my support system and having some reinforcement really makes a girl's day!


1:30 pm: 4 oz low sodium turkey, Joseph's flax wrap, spinach, mustard and 1/4 cup strawberries


4:30pm: chicken burger, 1 brown rice cake and 1/4 cup blueberries


7:00pm.  So this is when the big decisions came into play.  One night which I considered my cheat dinner was spinach salad w evoo, broccoli, feta, pine nuts and then scallops and kale salad for dinner.

DREADED DESERT!! okay this was my far my hardest part of vacation.. First night I had a kiddie cone @ ben and jerry's, 2nd night I had some candy and last night I had a few bites of my bf's ice cream but didn't get my own.


Overall, I splurged at points but was really proud of myself for preparing all my food and getting up every morning and doing my workouts and adding in some extra cardio!  It's all about finding a balance and whether I have it down yet who knows but it worked for me. 


Progress Pics: 11 weeks 7/16/12


I took my weight on Thursday 7/12 before I left for vacation so I could accurately assess the damage once I got home and it was 131.8!! Say Whhaa....131's ....okay we are talking middle school since I hit that weight.  I figured I would farewell to that number.  Weighed myself yesterday Sun 7/15 when I got home and it was 132.8....not freaking out about it.  It's 1lb and it could be water weight. I waited to take my progress pics this morning Mon 7/16 since I typically take them when I wake up.  So I jumped on the scale to see if a day of chugging water and clean eating would shed the lb and and guess what the scale read......131.8 babyyy!!  I am ecstatic that I did not gain a single lb on vacation!