Photo Shoot 101

This past Thursday I participated in my very first photo shoot!  It was fitness themed so of course I went out to find bright colored sports bra's and shorts for the occasion.  Like a typical woman, nothing I already own will work ...I have to go out and buy something new.  I did however re-wear my Rogiani that I paid a pretty penny for!

The shoot was done by River's Edge Photographic Society and it was free of charge for models.  I was initially pretty hesitant about going to the shoot since I did stumble upon it on facebook and really had no clue who the people were.  Thankfully a savage sister agreed to do the shoot with me which made life a million times better!  I got my spray tan and make-up done and decided to do my own hair to attempt at save money since I have been so awful at that the last few months!

 

There were a bunch of different photographers and 3 different photo sets.  The photographers would rotate and at the end of the month I will receive a cd with pictures from each different photographer..kind of cool, right?  I wasn't necessarily nervous but I was clueless.  Photo shoots are NOT as easy as they look!  Hand position, "smizing" with your eyes and then smiling with your face...all can be a little confusing when you have an actual camera man standing in front of you!  Overall it was a great learning experience and had a blast!  I have gotten a few pictures back from photographers which has been neat to see the different shots.  Each photographer had their own style so it's interesting to compare. 

The week was not ideal for eating either.  I had made a conscious effort not to diet down for this shoot and that plan went off course a bit!  I had to go out for lunch with work on Monday which I attempted to look for something healthy at an Italian restaurant but my scallops and green beans were smothered in butter and salt..not ideal.  We had a Halloween party at work on Thursday (day of shoot) but bought a million bags of Halloween candy to prepare which led to eating a few too many Reese's cups...not only once but twice. In my mind I kept yelling at myself...like..what the hell are you doing...but the sugar is so addicting once you start!  The shoot was the next day and I pretty sure Halloween candy should not be on the menu .  Either way, it happened and I moved on.  The best thing I have learned through this journey is we are NOT perfect and we fall off the wagon.  The most important thing is to carry on as usual.  Most people who have a really bad weekend will say.."Monday, Monday I will get back on track" but why not start now.  Chug some water, eat some clean foods and move on. 

I am still really struggling with these sugar cravings but everything takes time and nothing will happen overnight.

I will NOT diet down

News on the horizon!  After my show I really wanted to treat myself to a photo shoot as a reward for all of my hard work.  I had a photo shoot booked but financially things were too tight too pull it off so I had to cancel.  I stumbled upon an opportunity last week for a fitness photo shoot through a photography society close by.  They were looking for models and I figured what the heck...I'll submit my name.  This shoot is free for models so I figured it would be a great experience to learn about shoots and posing ect.  After I submitted my name I started to have second thoughts.  My body has finally returned back to it's normal state without cravings post show.  I am loving my new muscle building meal plan which incorporates more starches, fruits and fats.  Do I really want to diet down for a week and get back into that show mentality?  Mentally I can't right now...after much debate and some great advice from some fitness friends I decided to move forward with the shoot....under one condition.  I will not diet down. 

When I say "diet down"  I am talking about a relatively strict diet of low to medium starches and reduced protein, fats ect.  This diet is a week plan which still has me eating and drinking lots of water but you have to be mentally committed to doing it.  For the show this was fine because I was all in and giving it everything I had but this is a free photo shoot.  In my off season from competing I am trying to ELIMINATE the word diet from my vocabulary.  Diets typically have an end point and the decision to live a healthier lifestyle is forever.  When I look at pictures from my show I see a lean rocking body that is unattainable for my everyday life.  I don't want people to see photos from my show and assume that is what I look like because it's not.  I want images of myself that reflect reality.  I work hard and eat well and my body is not perfect but I am okay with that.  I decided not to "diet down" because I want people to see photos of how I look everyday..maybe some extra makeup and tanner but a relatively accurate portrayal of what 80% clean eating and kicking butt in the gym can achieve.  Since the show I have put on a solid 5 or so pounds which I was prepared for and I will probably gain more.  I am in the process of building more muscle which requires me to eat more.   

I ate out this weekend..Mexican to be exact..enjoyed my mom's homemade apple crisp and had a cocktail.  If this were a show I was preparing for this would be a BIG BIG NO NO...but I did not stress it.  This is a normal weekend for someone who is NOT competing.  I put in my 6 days a week of training at the gym and was not going to restrict myself.  It's important for women to see pictures of other women that are not manipulated by fad or harsh diets just to fit that image of perfection.  Whether I have a little extra meat on me for the shoot is not what's important.  I work just as hard for my body in the gym and kitchen and I want people to see the REAL me. 

Food Hangover

Well...ugh...it's been a little less than three weeks since my show and I am struggling with staying on track.  I was amazed by my self-control this summer at countless bbqs and tempting situations but this weekend it's like that new person never existed.  My diet is really on track during the week and I can seem to hold off the urge to indulge but by the time Friday rolls around I am fiending.  My ultimate goal in this post show phase is to keep it clean Mon - Fri and enjoy a relaxed meal Saturday OR Sunday.  OR being the key word here!  I don't mind if I have a little something on both days but in moderation.  Moderation this weekend just wasn't in the vocab.  It started off Friday, which I typically eat in to avoid indulging early, with Blue Teleh.  This is an awesome restaurant in my downtown which has great quality sushi and Thai dishes.  My parents and I split 2 apps and 3 entrees which consisted of lettuce wraps, broccoli stir fry and chicken lo mien.  To most people this is not a horrific violation but I rarely eat this type of food so to start off my weekend on this note was not ideal! 

Saturday...OY a VEY.  Ate very well all day and then came dinner.  Thankfully I got a solid workout in of some HIIT sprints and my functional workout but I am pretty sure 1000's HIIT sprints probably wouldn't undo the damage.

Pizza, may in fact be my favorite food.  I could literally eat it every day if it were acceptable.  Pizza not did exist in my diet ALL summer and I am talking about one pizza in particular.  BACON, BBQ SAUCE, ONION AND CHICKEN pizza!!! This is the best freaking pizza you will ever taste.  Downed 4 slices...easy. As my jeans began to feel a bit snug and was on the verge of a stomach ache...I did what any sensible person would do...got ice cream.  What in the world was I thinking....!?>?>!  First off, not even worth it!  Second, I literally felt like my insides were dying a slow death.  I couldn't even sleep on my stomach because it hurt so badly.  I woke up the next morning with a FOOD HANGOVER.  I was so thirsty and dehydrated from all of the sodium it felt like I had been out raging the night before.  At this point you would have thought I had learned my lesson but no, Sunday consisted of football treats and chili and cupcakes.  

I felt so disgusted with how I had let my self-control just go out the window.  Typically a relaxed meal and some treats at this phase would not even bother me but it was the complete lack of self-control and glutenous behavior that makes me disgusted.  I wasn't even still hungry yet I kept eating until I felt sick.  This cannot go on!  I refuse to give up all of my hard work during the week to completely let it go to shit once the weekend hits.  My goal for this weekend is to make a nice clean dinner Friday night at home, enjoy a relaxed meal Saturday night and make a clean dinner Sunday with maybe a treat for desert.  Get in a solid workout on Saturday and rest on Sunday.  I will make this work!! 

No one said this would be easy but I am starting to see the challenges ahead.  Moderation, self control, consistency need to be in the forefront of my weekend eating.  Life is too short not to enjoy treats and good food but it cannot undo the hard work I put in all week! 

I will update on how the weekend goes...eeek!

Real Life vs. Show Life....

The show is over and life has returned back to normal.  I am trying desperately to refrain from these chocolate cravings I am having but other that that post-show life is going well.  I have been eating my 6 meals a day during the week and then having my relaxed meal and a few extras on the weekend.  Believe it or not...I STILL have not had a drink...WHAT A LAME-OOO!! For whatever reason I don't miss alcohol.  There will be certain moments that I could go for a glass of wine to unwind but in reality I would rather save those calories for food.  

Learning how to return to "normal" life is a bit weird.  I have been so strict for so long now that I forget that it's OKAY to have a piece of bread out at dinner.  It's defiantly a tricky balance that everyone has to find.  Also, grasping the fact that I have to gain some weight.  People see pictures from shows and comment on how awesome you look but reality is....that is not real life.  No one looks like they do in a show year round because for one...you would be miserable and two, it's just not healthy. 

I want to gain healthy weight and work on building muscle but I won't lie that gaining weight is a hard pill to swallow.  Body image can be a real touchy subject and whether you struggle with it or not it can still play mind games.  This industry requires you to really know who you are inside and out otherwise it's easy to get consumed with a number on the scale and calories in vs calories out. 

The next few months will be an adjustment I am sure but I am really looking forward to it.  I love being able to try new healthy recipes and go for a nice relaxed run every now and again.  Overall, I would recommend doing a show just as long as you're doing it for the right reasons. 

Look a little different huh? As much as I enjoy looking at the pictures from the show and appreciating all my hard work..focusing on the every day me is more important. 

      vs

Me in REAL EVERY DAY LIFE

ONE DAY ONLY

Lights, Camera....SHOW TIME!!! - EDITED

Where do I begin....the day began as any other fall day would - waking up so tan that you barely recognize yourself and checking for streaks! I had taken a half day Thursday and Friday off from work and man it was a good idea!  After my spray tan Thursday I was so dark I would have looked like an absolute maniac going into the office.  The tan is highly sensitive to water to literally everything you do you have to be cognisant of the tan....and I mean everything!  I zip locked everything down to a science and prepped my food for the big day.  Thursday and Friday night I got absolutely no sleep!  One reason was this freaking tan which I was afraid to move and the other was pure excitement! 

No alarm necessary Saturday morning!  I had enough excitement and nerves of 20 kids on Christmas morning.  My hair and makeup appointment started at 9:30am so I headed to the CSF mother ship to get glamafied.  The hair and makeup was amazing!  I told the hairstylist ...big Texas hair...and she got the memo!! I then moved on to make-up and was so excited to have the one and only, Paula Harvey!  This lady knows her stuff! I am not used to wearing a ton of makeup so when I looked in the mirror after I was all done it was shocking!  I barely recognized myself but in a good way! We spend so much of our time sweaty and gross that the hair and makeup process was just what the doctor ordered.

I then headed to Regis College for our team meeting and registration.  Lucky number 15 was my identity for the day.  Being apart of Cathy Savage Fitness really made this experience amazing.  I don't know how people just decide to do a show without a team or a coach - I'd be lost.  One would think in this type of environment catty behavior would run rampid but to my surprise it was no where to be found. Do I have anything in my teeth?  how does my butt look?  Can you tie me up?  All questions that never went unanswered by teammates back stage.  I have to give a special thanks to Chantal, Cathy, Tara and Lauren who I met my very first day at CSF.  We stuck by one another through the whole process and I really could not have done it without them. 

5:45pm and it was time.  All the participants were called out on stage and my nerves were through the roof!  I saw the big row of my family and friends and I could have cried.  There is so much emotion that goes into this that when everything comes together it's magical.  I didn't have much time to really let the nerves set in because as soon as I walked off stage I had to go right back on into model club wear.  It was a very fast paced show so the changes were quick and as I went on again and again I felt more comfortable.  It felt so empowering to strut out there and give a little wink to the judges!  I was nervous inside but my family said it didn't show!  As fast as it started it was over and time for awards. 

Being a complete newcomer I really had no expectations so when my name was called for 5th place

model and 5th place bikini I was thrilled.   

HOLD THE PHONE.....I need to make an update.  After the results came out on the Fitness Universe website last week I noticed something odd.  The highest score you can get in the model division is 24 and as I am looking through my scores I see a 2.  A 2?!?! I could not sleep.  I kept thinking how could anyone hate a pink bathing suit that much!  Turns out that 2 was supposed to be a 22.  The results have since been revised and I found out I actually placed 2nd in the model division!!  As excited as this made me I can't help but feel guilty for taking away some one's spot.  My placing moved up but that forced others to go down and I know I shouldn't feel guilty but I do.  I know I earned 2nd place but I guess it's tainted now.  The day was amazing regardless of this mix up and whether it's 2nd or 5th place I wouldn't trade the day or the feeling I felt being on stage.  It's just unfortunate that the scoring could not have been accurate the first time around.

  In that moment I felt untouchable and it's a feeling that I will never forget.  After the show was over I could not wait to see my family and friends and well....EAT!  I had cookies, pizza, a muffin and chocolate covered apple slices and did not feel the least bit guilty! Yesterday I went to cheesecake factory to have what I had been waiting for the most...a CHEESEBURGER!  This wasn't just your average Joe Schmo burger...this was a BIG, Bacon-y,  onion ring, cheese burger and I ate every last bit. 

So now what....It's Monday again and it's all over - but is it really?  I am not just going to start going to the drive thru and eating pizza for dinner.  I plan on continuing the workouts and focusing on building more muscle.  I still plan on eating 6 meals a day.  I do plan on allowing myself a few drinks on the weekend and some relaxed meals but I do not want to give up everything I have worked so hard on just because I CAN.  I plan to attend Camp Savage Boston in January which will undoubtedly light my fire again for the 2013 shows. 

5 Days until Show Time!

The nerves are kicking in....if I think too much about it I start to feel sick to my stomach.  There are no longer weeks that separate me from the stage... we are talking DAYS!  In 5 days I will be Suppa duppa tan, glama-fied and strutting my stuff in 4.5 inch clear heels.  This is the week I have been waiting for since I signed my name on the dotted line back in June and now it's here. 

I want to soak all of this nervous, excited, and crazy energy in and truly make the most of this last week.  I have worked my ass off for this and I want to go up there Saturday and give it everything I got!  I want to have fun and truly appreciate my hard work.  I never thought in a million years I would be doing something like this but I wanted to prove to myself that I can do anything I set my mind to.  I would be lying if I said how I place doesn't matter to me but in the end that's not what this is about.  All of these women sacrifice their time, sweat, tears, social life and relationships to do a show and the reward is so much more than a trophy or a score.  It has been such an amazing learning experience going through this process.  There were mornings I didn't want to get up and run hills or make myself food at 10pm but I did it anyways not because I had to because I wanted to. 

With all of that said I am really looking forward to living my life again.  I want to eat at my parents house for dinner and not have to pack a salad or go out to dinner and not read the menu 20 times over to make sure I can find something healthy.  I am not planning on driving to MacDonald's here and ordering everything on the dollar menu...I just want to enjoy my hard work with a glass of wine or a carb at dinner once in awhile. 

My life for the next 5 days is going to get a little weird.  My diet is bland to say the least and it's the first time in this process where my carb intake is low.  My boyfriend has been a saint through all of this so I need to remind myself of that this week before I go all Tyra on his ass for something trivial because I am hungry! 

Bikini Queen Week of Show To-Do list:
Mani - scheduled for Thursday
pedi - done
threading brows
waxing - done
spray tan - scheduled for Thursday
jan tana - Friday
food prep for show day - Friday

A lot to get done this week but I cannot wait!  I will make sure to take a picture of myself pre and post tan so you can see HOW tan you have to get and HOW freaking pale I am right now!  Stay Tuned...lots of goodness is on the way :)))

2 Weeks...A Look Back

 I don't want to go all soft on y'all but I want to reflect back on this journey and how far I have come.

I have never worried about my weight or had body image issues but being involved in athletics in highschool and college always had me doing something active.  I drank...quite a bit...in college and pretty much ate what I wanted but in the months after my graduation things started to catch up.  I stayed in Newport, RI for the summer with my best friends and worked random, sometimes late hours.  Working out somehow fell off of my to-do list and by the time I moved home in September of 2009 my parents looked at my like...what the hell happened?! 




August 2009 @ around 155

My mom had lost a lot of weight my last year of college and when I moved home I was at my highest weight ever (around 156).  I was so uncomfortable in my own skin that I had a hard time being supportive.  I would get snappy with her when she would talk about how her clothes no longer fit because they were too big meanwhile I could barely get in my biggest pair of jeans!  Feeling the way I do now in a new body and new mind frame I can't help but feel bad about how I handled the situation.   I was bitter and unhappy that I had let myself go and went through a stage of depression the first few months I moved home. 
From September 2009 through about November 2011 I had gone up and down with my weight.  I had a trainer at the gym but it wasn't giving me the results that I was looking for.  I thought I was eating right but my willpower was weak and I always managed to revert to bad habits.  I noticed the Get in Shape Girl on facebook and had followed her page but never took it to the next step and signed up. I was constantly living through everyone else's lives and adventures and not living my own.  One day I was just fed up with my routine and decided to just go for it. 

January 2012 (143.5)



Day I joined GISG

This step forever changed my life and the way I look at health and fitness.  From January 2012 to about June 2012 I had lost the 10lbs I had been trying to get off for years!!! I had never really lifted or done circuit training but it brought my fitness level to a place where it had never been before.  I knew what I was eating and why I was eating it.  I switched to eating 5 small meals a day and lowering my carb intake later in the afternoon and night.  All of these things changed my life completely for the better. 

I've become so much more confident in how I look and more importantly feel.  I would have never been able to sign up for this Bikini Show if it weren't for the Get in Shape Girl so I am eternally grateful for meeting someone like Kyra, who prides herself in pushing you to move out of your comfort zone and just GO FOR IT!


My mom and I (sept 2012)

So, now I am here.  It's September 2012 and it has been 3 years since I was at my lowest point.  I am a new woman and I will never look back.  I encourage everyone to try something that literally scares the SH*T out of you and I guarantee it will make you a better person or at least teach you a lot about yourself. 

Show Stats:

Weight: 127